Half Life
by ihfan
Summary: Edward deals with his sexuality and his idea of God, while falling in love with Jacob and letting go of Bella. Jacob imprints on Edward, but his tribe and pack become an obstacle to his love and destiny.
1. Prologue

_**Prologue:**_

The air crackled every time he thought about leaving her, the sense of betrayal traveled to her like water flowing down her body in the shower.

"What are you thinking about Edward?" asked Bella, doubt traced her voice in a shaking tone. She looked down as her hand entwined in his, as they lay together in her room.

"Nothing, I was just wondering what Charlie's doing in the kitchen. He doesn't actually cook does he?" Edward lied to her. The banging of pans and Charlie's cursing could just barely be heard upstairs.

Bella knew better. She was not the smartest girl, nor was she able to say she had mastered all the delicate controls of her fine motor skills, but she knew how to read people, whether living or dead. She let go of his hand and walked to the bathroom, leaving the door open.

She looked into the mirror, a little shaky, and smiled at herself as if trying to reassure herself that Edward would not lie to her.

"I don't know, I think he tried to cook something once, but he got food poisoning or something and he's been eating at the diner in town ever since." she said trying to make herself laugh a little. Only a whispered sigh escaped.

Edward chuckled and said, "You know, I can see that." He pushed his true thoughts aside and started to walk to Bella.

"You are so beautiful" he whispered in her ear, as he wrapped his arms around her waist and looked at her in the mirror.

She could feel the lie sink into her bones, but it did make her feel better. Bella touched the face behind her and sighed, "You're the beautiful one."

Bella could not deal with her feelings. Edward had tried leaving before and she almost died, but this was worse. He was not there with her in his mind; she knew his focus was on some other place or person whenever they were together. She had a ghost with her instead of the boyfriend she wanted. She was lost in the reflection in the mirror; she could never see him give anything away. His eyes looking into hers always made it hard for her to say anything at all.

"I'm going with Carlisle to the Reservation tonight. Would you like to come?" Edward asked, smiling at her in the mirror. Her face had fallen and gotten lost in thought, sometimes he wished he could read her mind; maybe then it would be easier to let her go.

Bella turned to face him and pecked him on the cheek. "No, it's late I'm going to stay here with Charlie. Tell Jacob I said hi, will you?"

"Of course, bye Bella, I love you." He lied again, but he couldn't stop himself from saying it. The term had become some sort of routine that reassured him.

Edward jumped from Bella's window into the rainy night; he could hear thunder in the distance as he raced home against falling water and the wind. He always thought that he would not feel this bad after living for over a hundred years. Edward felt shame, but most of all guilt for who he was, who he loved, and how he always ended up damaging girls who did not deserve it.

Though his heart cannot beat, Edward felt the aching in his chest as the rain drenched him and the lighting struck in the distance.


	2. 1

_**1**_

The hair on Jacob's back tingled and stood on end as thunder shook the earth beneath his feet after the last flash of lightning. The scent of the vampires was almost impossible to find because of the gushing rain, but the pack knew they were close.

'Why are we meeting with these bloodsuckers again Sam?' Jacob asked in his thoughts. The link between the wolves allows them to communicate telepathically.

'It's not your place to question me,' Sam barked, 'but we're here to discuss the treaty and what will happen if they turn Bella into one of them.' Another crack resounded through the air.

'The vamps are here.' Leah stated as she held her nose in the air sniffing.

The air rippled with electricity as Edward and Carlisle approached in drenched formal wear looking perfect despite the rain. Carlisle moved first towards the pack. The wolves tensed and stared with apprehension.

"I know you are all cautious to meet with us, but it would be great if someone would be willing to change back into human form so we could start the discussion." Carlisle said, politely looking a little befuddled.

Sam ran behind a large tree a few feet away and transformed. He threw on his jean cut-offs so he wasn't completely naked. Jacob followed and threw on his shorts as well.

"Sam, I don't know why we're even discussing this with them. If they break the treaty, then I will kill them." Jacob seethed with frustration. Not only was he going to lose Bella, he was going to lose her to his mortal enemies.

"Jacob, the situation changes when their victim is voluntarily giving up her life." Sam said as he gripped Jacob's shoulder. Looking into Jacob's eyes and trying to reassure him, Sam pushed him backwards gently and turned to face the vampires.

"Hello Carlisle, Edward, thank you for coming out here to meet with us." Sam said politely standing a few feet away as another flash of lightning illuminated the forest. "I wanted to discuss Bella with both of you, and the treaty."

Edward shifted as he heard Bella's name. He knew before they met tonight that the wolves would want to talk about Bella willingly becoming a vampire. He also noticed Jacob was directing a death stare at him. Rain trailed down Jacob's face and Edward followed the water as it trickled down his bare chest and stomach. He quickly shook his head clear and looked back at Jacob's angry eyes; Edward could read most of the hateful things crossing his mind.

"Yes," Carlisle said, "so I'm guessing you've heard about Ms. Swan's request to become one of us." He could not help his lips twitching a small smile. Carlisle was genuinely curious about what the Quileute's reaction would be to the news about Bella.

"We have heard." Sam said placidly, "I wanted to talk to you about mending the treaty."

Carlisle was surprised, "How do you mean?" he asked.

"Well, our ancestors never accounted for someone willingly becoming a vampire. I and the tribal leaders think it best to make an exception for whichever one of you…"

"Don't bother." Edward said as he stared at Sam. "She won't become one of us, the plan has changed."

"Edward?" Carlisle asked in surprised.

"It's changed; nobody will be turning Bella into anything."

Lightning exposed the shock on everyone's wet faces for a brief moment, even those in wolf-form looked as if they were surprised. The sound of thunder and rain was intensified by the silence.

"Great!" Jacob yelled as he jumped in the air. He felt like the world had been turned right side up. Edward looked at Jacob fiercely and wanted to punch off the smirk that had appeared on the wolf's face

"There's no need to amend the treaty." Edward said to Sam. He looked at Carlisle, "Please, can we go?"

"Sure Edward." Carlisle knew something was wrong, why had Edward not told him about what was happening? They had made a family decision to turn Bella, "We are going to talk when we get home."

"I know." Edward looked at the ground and turned to leave, but suddenly changed his mind and called to Carlisle, "I'm going to stay for a minute Carlisle. I'll be home soon."

"Are you sure?" Carlisle asked as he looked back at the wolves.

"Yes, I'll be fine."

"Ok, I'll see you soon son." He looked at Edward one last time with concern and then quickly disappeared into the fog. Edward shifted his gaze to Jacob.

"Jacob," Edward said," could I talk to you alone for a second?"

Jacob wondered what the leech was doing. He was surprised Edward wanted to talk to him, but it must be about Bella.

"Yea, sure." Jacob looked at Sam and nodded to him. He would be fine. The wolves quickly disbanded and ran in the direction of the reservation.

As Jacob walked towards Edward the rain slowed down to a hazy drizzle. Jacob studied Edward. His head turned towards the ground, his strong jaw and fair skin, through his wet designer wear you could make out his slim muscular figure, he was somehow haunting. Thunder could still be heard farther in the distance. Edward looked up at Jacob and their eyes met.

Jacob's peripheral vision blackened with his focus zeroing in on Edward and he felt like every atom of his existence would float away if he didn't keep looking at the beautiful figure before him.

"Jacob…" Edward began to talk.

Jacob's mind blanched as he stared at the man in front of him. Edward's lips moved and Jacob just stared at how they moved with such fluidity, he didn't hear a word that came out of Edward's mouth.

Edward kept talking and half way through his unintentional soliloquy he realized Jacob wasn't listening.

"Jacob, are you ok? Jacob?"

Jacob listened to his name pass through Edward's lips and realized that he was staring and not even listening. Rushing back to reality, Jacob shut his slack jaw and tried to shake his mind clear. He could suddenly feel the light rain on his skin and a shiver ran down his spine. He straightened out his shoulders and took a step back from Edward in confusion.

"Um, sorry, what were you saying?" Jacob asked as he looked to the ground and tried to process what just happened.

"Are you alright? You look… strange." Edward noticed as Jacob took a step back. Had he said something upsetting? He was just telling Jacob about not trying to turn Bella.

Jacob's thoughts ran quickly trough his mind, 'what just happened… how is this possible… did I just do what I think I just did… shit… shit… fuck…'

Distractedly answering, "Yea, I'm fine, what did you want to tell me." He couldn't look at Edward. This feeling of confusion and almost despair was overpowering, but what shook Jacob was the underlying calm, as if everything would be alright, now and always.

Thunder shook the background again as Edward read the thoughts that ran through Jacob's mind; they were changing so quickly that he couldn't pick up on any one specific idea. He could only read Jacob's basic thoughts of confusion, sadness, and some feeling of peace, a strange combination.

Edward just stood uncomprehending and said, "Um, I just wanted to tell you I won't let anyone turn Bella. She doesn't deserve to live like I do, she deserves more than that, more than me." Edward said slightly surprised by his own words. He had just revealed to himself that he would break up with Bella soon. Edward was met with silence. He looked up at Jacob for a moment and then turned to leave.

"Wait…" Jacob didn't want him to leave yet, "why are you telling me about this?" Jacob asked as he stared at Edward, once again entering his daze of awe.

Edward turned back to look at Jacob and met his eyes again. There was something different in them. No thoughts crossed Jacob's mind, it was curiously blank. Edward took a step towards Jacob; they were standing close as the rain dripped around them.

"I'm not sure. I just figured you would care the most I guess, Jacob." Edward said, looking into Jacob's eyes trying to read him.

As Edward said his name Jacob's mind rushed with thoughts, images of Edward undressing, him kissing Edward's perfect mouth, those lips saying his name in the heat of passion. Jacob could not control this sudden flow of lust and want; he felt a strong pull towards Edward. He leaned in towards Edward, the gap closing between them; he could smell the rain on Edward's skin. Jacob's full lips pressed against Edward's own cold lips. The flash of lightning that followed matched the electricity of the kiss between them. Edward kissed back and embraced Jacob around his waist, pulling them closer. There was nothing else, no one else, just them and this moment together. The world had stopped turning.

Jacob pulled back and looked into Edward's eyes. He was met with a look confusion and shock. Jacob suddenly remembered who was in front of him, and how this person so close to his lips could read his thoughts. He quickly stepped back as reality crashed back into his mind and just stood for a moment looking around as if trying to get his bearings.

"Oh God, I have… I have to go." Jacob stammered. He looked at Edward with fear in his eyes and then phased into his wolf-form. He ran as fast as he could through the rain swept forest. Jacob's only thoughts were of Edward and getting as far away from Edward as possible.

Edward stood on the treaty line and just stared in the direction Jacob had run. Jacob's thoughts and actions had surprised him to say the least, but he wasn't upset by them, only confused. Jacob had always hated him, murderously so, but he had somehow changed his thoughts and feelings about Edward completely in a matter of minutes and had actually kissed him, passionately. Edward knew something must have happened while they were talking. He had absolutely no idea what it was that had changed Jacob's actions towards him, but he certainly didn't mind it.

Left standing in the drizzling rain Edward turned to head home. As he ran he smiled, he couldn't help but to indulge in some of the fantasies Jacob had so recently revealed. The wolf was attractive, Edward could not deny that, and the thoughts of Jacob kissing him were sweet.

As Edward raced, he felt the Earth pass quickly beneath his feet and the smell of rain and wood filled his nostrils. He felt connected with the moment and just ran through the trees, with his mind blank for the first time in decades, no thoughts of his own or other people's thoughts interrupting, there was only the sound of air rushing past his ears. He felt something new; calm, as if everything would be alright, now and always.


	3. 2

The forest blurred into a continuous background of green as Jacob ran forward and cold air rustled his fur. The thoughts spinning in his head pushed him to keep running; avoiding the emotions as he moved himself physically onward.

The countryside was riddled with mountains in the distant horizon. Peaks met the sky in a clash of white and purple, but all Jacob could sense was his breath flowing from his lungs as he kept pace with the rising sun. His fast movements were stopped when he skidded to the edge of a cliff: his breathing ragged. The need to escape filled him even more as he stared down over the rocky edge into the valley below him. To take a step back meant he would be closer to Edward, a step forward meant his death.

Jacob stood on the edge of the cliff as his mind raced with what options he had, what choices he had to make, and the consequences thereafter. He realized what happened between him and Edward, he had imprinted. Jacob had heard his whole life about the process and the characteristics of imprinting; the sense of losing gravity, the blind attraction, and the sexual pull. But the thought of Edward being his imprintee made him sick. His tribe would disown him for imprinting on a man, let alone a male vampire, everything he loved would be taken from him.

Jacob morphed back into his human form and fell to the earth. His back heaved as he began to sob, "Why this?"

His body shook with desperation, and his stomach retched as he threw up on the ground next to him. The leaves crunched under his shaking form. Jacob cried until the sun set, and fell into a deep sleep of exhaustion under the starry sky.


End file.
